Living Life In Relationship With God Free From Expectation & Performance
May 23rd, 2007 by Patricia Bishop
I used to panic thinking that I must perform and meet the expectations of those around me. I felt that I had nothing to give and that they expected more of me than I was capable of delivering. God showed me that the reason I panicked was that satan had suggested those thoughts and I embraced them a long time ago. Shape up or ship out! Sound familiar?
This caused me to prefer time alone instead of time shared with others. It made me focus on others demands and see them as controlling and therefore gave me reason I thought, to withdraw, judge, be angry, dislike and maybe even hate. Living like this stole my joy.
I became content in my own little corner of the world where no one was allowed in if I didn’t want them there. This created safety for me at the cost of relationships and the joy of living. It caused me to negatively focus on everything and everyone which produced fear which has torment, distrust, judging others intentions, dread and self-pity.
I came to God and began to talk with him. God began to reveal to me that I had experienced a lot of pain throughout my life and because I had not forgiven those that caused me that pain I carried a deep sorrow and distrust with me all of my life. (understand that because I had continued my relationship with them and didn’t completely cut them out of my life I thought I had forgiven them). He showed me how this even affected my relationship with him and allowed me to doubt him although I believed in him and wanted him I still didn’t fully trust him, so without sugar coating it to make it more palatable it boils down to unadulterated DOUBT!
Thank God for his god-sized grace and mercy! For his endless unconditional love!
I’ve come to realize through the revelation and instruction of the Spirit of God who gave me insight to understand and accept the truth that God is life, love and goodness, it is his very nature. He said “you do have something to give.” When you are living life in relationship with me then you have no need to concern yourself with performing to meet others expectations, then and only then are you truly trusting me.
In turn, this gives me freedom which produces fullness of joy and peace within me and then I do have something to give to others. I am able to impart life by pointing them to Jesus. I am able to love them because of his love in me and for me (because he first loved me) and I can show them goodness because he is good and dwells within me.
Though true there is no good thing within me to give to another, (Romans 7:18) For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. Yet the TRUTH is, by living life in relationship with God, he will be strong in my weakness giving no place to fear, placing no expectations on me to perform but rather allowing his life in me to flow to those around me and therefore imparting life, love and goodness which are the things that bring fulfillment of joy.
As I continue my journey with Him,
Patty Bishop